Legal
Separating what is yours from what is shared
Twenty years of two people's papers in the same folders. Sorting them is half the matter, and nobody counts it as work.
What has to be gathered is not in a company archive: **it is in twenty years of a shared life**, in shared folders, in accounts in both names, in emails from a time when nobody thought this would be needed. And unlike any professional matter, here the other party had access to the same things you did throughout, and some documents exist only on one side.
Where each thing sits, and who can reach it
| Kind of document | Where it usually is | Who can obtain it |
|---|---|---|
| In your name | Your mail, your bank | You |
| In both names | Either side | Both, usually |
| In the other's name | Beyond your reach | **Through the procedure** |
| **On paper, at home** | **Wherever it was** | **Whoever is there** |
Important
**What can be gathered calmly before things become tense bears no resemblance to what can be gathered afterwards.** It is not a strategic recommendation, it is a practical observation: shared access gets closed, papers move house and conversations stop being easy. Sorting and keeping a copy of what is yours and what is shared, somewhere that is yours, only makes sense to do beforehand.
What helps whoever is handling the matter
- 1
Gather it by year and by category
It is how it will be looked at: what existed on such a date, what was paid each year.
- 2
Keep the original, not only a photo
A photo of a statement is worth less than the statement.
- 3
Note what is missing and why
«It is in the other's name» is useful information, not a gap.
- 4
And hold it somewhere of your own
Not on a device or account shared with the other party.
Watch out
What makes this position particular, and harder than any professional matter, is that **the documentation is also the memory of a life**. Sorting it is not an administrative task: it takes longer than expected, it is done worse than it would be in another context, and it gets postponed for reasons that have nothing to do with efficiency. Allowing for that —giving it time, doing it in stretches, asking for help— is part of doing it properly, not a weakness.
Worth knowing
What documentation each kind of procedure requires, what can be requested when it is held by the other party and what deadlines apply **is determined by the applicable rules and settled by your lawyer**. Here we cover the organisational part: how to gather and keep what will be needed, and how to hold it somewhere that is yours.
›What about things in the other party's name?
Note that they exist and where. How to obtain them is for your lawyer.
›Does a photo of a document count?
It helps to know it exists; the original is usually still needed.
›Where do I start if it is many years?
With the financial side, by year. It is what is asked for most and the easiest to order.
A real case
The situation
Years of documentation sit in shared folders.
What you do
- Gathers your own copy in a space that is yours
What you get
What is needed stops depending on shared access.
The situation
Financial information has to be provided year by year.
What you do
- Organises documents by date and category
What you get
It is provided the way it is asked for.
The situation
Documents in the other party's name are missing.
What you do
- Allows noting what is missing and why
What you get
The gap is documented rather than left blank.
The situation
The papers exist as loose photos on a phone.
What you do
- Stores documents in an ordered file
What you get
What is provided stops being a camera roll.
The situation
The lawyer asks for something and it is hunted each time.
What you do
- Shares the file with whoever handles the matter
What you get
The request is met without a fresh search.
The situation
Sorting it all at once feels unmanageable.
What you do
- Allows adding in parts and seeing what is missing
What you get
The work happens in stretches and progress is visible.
This article answers
- gathering documentation for a family matter
- papers in both names how to separate them
- financial records going back years
- no access to documents in the other party's name